I’m going to try to blog once every Monday. Nothing much, just something to get back into the swing of things. Firstly, this song is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard in quite some time.
Secondly, the writing is still going on. I’ve written bits and pieces of longer things and about a dozen or so shorter works at various stages of being “done.” A couple of the shorter works won’t see the light of day because they’re sad and about a part of my life I want to put behind me but it feels good to get them out and purge. The ones that will eventually see the light of day are much more in line with what I was doing when I first started at Rudius.
1. Keep the focus off of me as a character, and put me in a role as an observer.
2. Focus and describe the people in my life
3. Keep it funny
I’m also seeing a therapist. (How many people just shouted “About fucking time!”) I’ve only been the one time so far and mostly what I did when I sat down on her couch was just spew every single thing I could think of that has ever happened to me and then it was time to go. But I’m going, not because I feel bad, but because I’m starting to feel good again and I can’t trust it like I did before. I want to make sure I”m not just burying things.
As for writing: I started off writing a hundred words a day. Some days it was hard, some days it was easy. I pushed it up to 200 words the next week, 300 the week after that, and now I’m doing 500 words a day. I’m going to try to work up to 2k, which is about as much as I could write at my peak without quality suffering.
My trick was to get a calendar and put an X on it for every day I wrote at least 100 words. Apparently, my own sense of happiness and satisfaction is nowhere near as important to me as the continuity of a line segment, because I haven’t missed a day yet. I brought that up in therapy but we didn’t have a chance to talk about it much.
I’m also giving myself an X for exercise. My anbaric stuff is taking a while to get back but my aerobic is off the charts. I just ran my fastest mile tonight. Granted, it wasn’t super fast, but it was pretty damn respectable for a guy of my size.
I also have a beard again. I’ve forbidden myself to shave it until I’m at my ideal weight. So we’ll see how long that gets.