So… I’m now about 10% convinced the curse on my book is real, which I consider to be the threshold of taking reasonable precautions.
For those of you who haven’t kept track, here’s a recap.
I released my book, “The Family of Fang and Claw” on October 13th (which was Friday the 13th) for $6.66 on Amazon. Paperback is $16.66. I probably could have done some more “spooky stuff” but that seemed like enough. Plus, I’m not particularly superstitious, so what could go wrong?
Here’s what’s gone wrong so far:
-The same day it came out, my brother’s dog died. There’s a pivotal plot point in the book that has to do with the death of a dog. It made me really sad, but I was like… yeah, but I can’t hold myself to account for that stuff.
Then the real “fun” started. Keep in mind, I’ve only sold like twenty copies, and all of this has happened in less than two weeks.
-One of the first people to read the book cover to cover had some kind of unexplained heart attack. They’re quite young, physically fit, and the doctor was at a loss to explain what happened except they almost died.
-One person had it sent to them as a gift, and then attempted suicide and had to have a mandatory hospital stay.
-One person got halfway through and then got so sick with food poisoning they couldn’t eat for a day and a half.-
-After I sent a free copy of it to one person, their black cat was mauled.
-Another person who received a free copy went to work the next day and discovered their co-workers teenage son was killed in a car accident.
The same day I sold my thirteenth eBook my furnace died and it will cost $1,700 to replace it.
Tomorrow, I’m going in for a routine sinus surgery. Very basic and I should only be out for an hour and I will more than likely be okay. However, as I said above, I feel like it is necessary to take reasonable precautions.
This is the shed in my back yard I have painted to look like the Tardis from Doctor Who. It is the holiest place I know of and it seemed like the only place I could put something evil and expect the evil to be counteracted.
Then I placed my book in a circle of salt and had a friend who is a writer and, coincidentally, also a fae-blooded witch of the southern sea* sent me the following Fae charm, which I recited:
Old blood o silver, ne’er o iron
Beseech thee I, humble man.
O Ash and Rowan, Salt and Blackthorn
Look kindly e’er on mine small clan
From wrath o’ spirits, ancient and potent
From youngling devils, newminted and spry
Shield mine people, mine home and kine
The evil o this tome, you shall deny
O fey ones heed my call O Fae Lord my geas be true!
Then I also recited my personal motto
LVX NIHIL REQVIRIT NISI QVOD EXISTIT
Which is Latin for “Light is in want of nothing, with the exception of its own existence.”
I’m also increasing the cost of the book by $0.01 for both the paperback and kindle versions. It seems like that should be enough to break up the statistical cluster of weird Cosmic horseshit surrounding the book. Fingers crossed.
*I’ve met a lot of new people since I started writing horror stories.
UPDATE: This happened within a few minutes of me posting this to my facebook
Given this happened so quickly, I knew my curse preventatives were not enough. I had to upgrade.
I play no games. Mark Twain, Theodore Roosevelt, and Xena Warrior Princess are on top of this now. Also, I may have just freaked out a little bit too much after watching a video on-line of a sinuplasty.